Sunday, December 26, 2010

Fumbling in The Dark

           It’s has been months I didn’t post any blog up here. And, I can feel the difficulty of starting my very first paragraph, unlike in the past…Unlike in the past, I am now entering into the Dark Age of Teenager’s life, fraught with dilemma & misery. Everything becomes so vague and uncertain…But I am still conscious of the changes. On that moment, rational & intelligence would only complicate the whole things. I am lost! I know that deeply in my heart. No one would benevolent to help, I know! No one would ever try to understand, I know. I wonder whether is it because no one aware about or resist to understand. (For example, who really wants to know about politics) Well, this is just part of its.            I don’t know how many people ever look seriously to their future. Apparently, they seem to be easy-going & carefree. I, who always hide behind the cloud of anxiety and crave for the best thing to happen in my future. "Enjoy the process more than the result, don’t ever disappointed  about the final result!" Is it true that I am being too worry about the result until had neglected the essence of presence? "Look at the time, now count how many days ahead to your SPM and how many hours available for revision?" Eerie! I have only 14 days for each subject. Just as I am on the tenterhook, peals of laughters coming from everywhere are constantly distracting me to think. I turned back and glanced at those "merrymakers" who share the same fate as I am, I do nothing except to smile as a reply. Should I approaches you all and be philosophic to you all? Ha! How can a person who is in the hot soup help? Time running out when I am still pondering which word to be used to suit the context. Next, I thought being inquisitive while learning is the appropriate way of absorbing knowledge. However, consuming memory on these tidbits in the textbook comes rather efficient…It’s so discouraging me somehow. I am fumbling in the abyss of knowledge in quest of triumph.
           The privilege of being young is perhaps the indulgence of love. Personally, I feel that this uncommon & perpetual love that is built on the foundation of friendship has its subtle explanation for its formation. I doubt the LOVE, but I believe in the revolution of the pure LOVE. For me, I accepted that true love only exist between the parents-children relationship. But, how can a family formed without letting friendship to take place? It’s a perplexing question. I don’t want to harm my brain further on this topic. According to "Kew Garden" theory, human tends to follow or act correspondingly to other human. Well, almost everyone is in a relationship, regardless romantic or simple, you who is still a bachelor, must be eager to have a "bite" on that bar of "chocolate", right? I presumed. Let’s be outspoken, how many relationship I get into? Erm, two? Admirers? Infinity(joke)? "Is that really important right now?" my heart whispered. In fact, it’s not as important as academic. But how long can a rational hold?  OKOK!  I think I need one also. The next thing you would most probably do is to "shop" around. and eventually realized that STOCKS UNAVAILABLE. Ok, now you realized that you stand none of advantages in the "war of romance". You retreated. You might cry, you might hurt, but you convinced yourself that YOU WOULD WIN IN THE NEXT SUMMER. A wishful conjecture or a concrete vision? Then, it really depends on the effort. I am fumbling in the darkness of labyrinth in quest of happiness.
           Life never goes easy. Every aspect of life tend to test on one’s mettle & integrity. I cherish of fine things and yet everyday of sunshine makes life a boredom. Moreover, it’s the barriers and the unpleasant surprises that help you see what you are really made of. Hope I had gained internal peace after writing this blog. Adieu, Mr. Blog!
~Max~

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