What for If You have Great Ideas?

My self-esteem often comes from the ability to come up with good ideas, at least this is what being mentioned by one of my teammates to me, that I am able to produce great ideas.

His words made me recall of my own net worth, my greatness. I felt appreciated, but this is not a good timing to thank him personally yet, as I have unfinished business to handle.

There were many incidents in the past that could serve as a testament to the fact that I am an idea-producer player in a team, an innovative student. These ideas came with a price, sometimes they weren't accepted at all, which I always take it as encouragement to think better. But let the past success stories alone, I started to learn another fact about reality, that idea alone is not enough.

I have been feeling quite down lately. Embracing low self-esteem. Sometimes, I could forgotten the purpose of having myself in the team.

Sometimes, I don't remember the reason of straining my eyes to look at the slides and busy typing things for my organization.

Sometimes, I don't wish to say things too directly to certain teammates whom I think they seriously need to be reprimended. Their actions/words could give a lot of impacts to me, especially weakening me.

Sometimes, I felt like sacrificing 0.1 CGPA is not worth the values of the things that I have been doing for two years, for my organization.

I don't feel respected, still this is just how I felt sometimes.

I presume what's going on right now on my mind is just for a while, just because I am tired and being negative.

My teacher, Cikgu Yap once told me that "We are negative at times. So, we need to constantly be surrounded by a group of positive, passionate people to energize ourselves."

She has a point. I saw the relevance and the significance of an environment.

Positive environment molds team that has positive mindset.

I believe my organization is lacking of this kind of environment. I don't know whether I could really plant the seed of "Positive", "Passionate" and "Professionalism" among my teammates. The worst part is I don't even know whether I am qualified enough to educate my team about the Three P's. Nevertheless, I got the rough idea to go about it, so I am relying on my team to make it happen according to what and how I envision the future of my organization.

At this moment of reflection, I realized something is wrong with me. I feel weak, lacking of courage and exhausted.

By saying all these means I have thrown away all the negativity inside me, and I want to shout my own name very loud, my own name that aspires to inspires myself and the world.

I cannot be weak.
I cannot be short of strategy (or your team would shout S.O.S for help).
I need early and proper planning.


Good night.